Here are some items from the claims of my local MP, Mark Field.
I would like to say that he has not been singled out for ridicule by the press, and I don't have a quibble with office, travel and even PR company claims (I think our MPs should be given a fixed rate for these expenses anyway).

The home ownership scams are where some MPs have been well out of order. Ask anyone who has looked into trying to get assistance to buy a home in London, let alone having the moat cleaned. However, I feel we should all look at these documents closely before the next election. Then contact our MPs to ask for an explanation of anything that has been hidden, or (as in the case of these examples) seems odd.

I suggest we all post these and encourage others to do the same.

Check out this website: mpsallowances.parliament.uk for information on your own MP.

And for more info www.theyworkforyou.com/mps/

Some of you will have a lot more to complain about, I am merely scratching the surface of the silly ones.
Oh and highlighting the more serious issue of blacking out these receipts. Can you see any rhyme or reason to some of these black blocks?





That last one really makes me smile !

(taken from the livejournals of friends who have done this.

1. You can ONLY answer 'Yes' or 'No'.

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and asks.

Kissed any one of your LiveJournal friends? — Yes
Been arrested? — No
Kissed someone you didn't like? — No
Slept in until 5 PM? — Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? — Yes
Held a snake? — Yes
Ran a red light? — No
Been suspended from school? — No
Experienced love at first sight? — No
Totaled your car in an accident? — No
Been fired from a job? — Yes
Fired somebody? — No
Sung karaoke? — Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? — No
Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — Yes
Kissed in the rain? — Yes
Had a close brush with death (your own)? — No
Saw someone die? — Yes
Played Spin-the-Bottle? — Yes
Smoked a cigar? — No
Sat on a rooftop? — Yes
Smuggled something into another country? — No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — Yes
Broken a bone? — Yes
Skipped school? — Yes
Eaten a bug? — Yes
Sleepwalked? — No
Walked on a moonlit beach? — Yes
Ridden a motorcycle? — Yes
Dumped someone? — Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? — No
Lied to avoid a ticket? — No
Ridden in a helicopter? — No
Shaved your head? — Yes
Blacked out from drinking? — Yes
Played a prank on someone? — Yes
Hit a home run? — No
Felt like killing someone? — No
Cross-dressed? — No
Been falling-down drunk? — No
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — Yes
Eaten snake? — No
Marched/Protested? — Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — No
Puked on an amusement ride? — No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — Yes
Been in a band? — No
Knitted? — No
Been on TV? — Yes
Shot a gun? — No
Skinny-dipped? — Yes
Given someone stitches? — Yes
Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — Yes
Ridden a surfboard? — No
Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — Yes
Had surgery? — Yes
Streaked? No
Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — Yes
Tripped on mushrooms? — No
Passed out when NOT drinking? — Yes
Peed on a bush? — Yes
Donated Blood? — No
Grabbed electric fence? — No
Eaten alligator meat? — No
Eaten cheesecake? — Yes
Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? — No
Killed an animal when not hunting? — No
Peed your pants in public? — Yes
Snuck into a movie without paying? — No
Written graffiti? — Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? — No
Think about the future? — Yes
Been in handcuffs? — No
Believe in love? — Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? — Yes

(I voted at 7:20 am)

Your political compass

Economic Left/Right: -5.50
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.38

During the latter half of the Sixties, my Dad and I lived at my Grandparents' house in Warstock, Birmingham.
It was rumoured that the name came from the fact that a soldier was buried at the back of the Warstock pub, but this was the sort of "rumour" that schoolboys invent during the Summer holidays while they explore the wastelands behind buildings, buffering railways, or alongside canals. Warstock is mostly corporation houses built in between The Wars, as my Grandad would have said. They'd lived there since the estate had been opened, on Arlington Road, and most of the family of four lads and one girl lived within walking distance - so we cousins knew each other very well.

Throughout the Seventies, I would spend most of my time back with "Granny & Gramps" as we grew up to call them, and with Aunty Ann, Uncle Pete and my cousins Pete & Dave. I guess I was a cuckoo in their nest from a very early age, but a cuckoo made very welcome. Once, perhaps ten years later when the three of us were teenagers, we stayed with our grandparents so we could get up in the middle of the night to watch a meteor shower - I think it was the Perseids - and we were treated to one of the best displays in years. If you've never watched one of these astronomical firework displays, I recommend that you do so. You might begin to understand why July 1969 was so compelling.
It was the time of the first Moon landing.

I was six years old, and we'd been living there long enough for me to have my own room decorated in Thunderbirds wallpaper. One Christmas morning around that time, I dreamt that I awoke to find a Tracey Island model, OO scale, equipped with all the Thunderbird vehicles. Someone who worked for Blue Peter years later had a similar dream, but then we probably all had it. Except that neighbour who had all the Action Men kits, real hair, gripping hands, moving eyes ... he probably dreamed of ponies.

So, I went to bed one night, in that room with flying machines on the wall or suspended in Airfix, and a poster of George Best intended to instill me with a love of good football rather than Manchester United. As I remembered it, I had no idea why my Dad was waking me up in the middle of the night, but I must have been watching the landing before bed time, so I am probably recalling the half-asleep confusion that you get when woken from a deep sleep. However, I can remember going down the corporation standard staircase into the living room where a yellow vinyl three piece suite faced a television with a "wood-effect" shutter.
And I can remember that shutter being drawn back to reveal images of two men inside a spaceship that looked nothing like the uncluttered formica cubicles of Gerry Anderson's early work. Actually it was rather like Thunderbird 5 with legs, wasn't it? It was time for them to leave the Lunar Excursion Module (LEM) and walk on the Moon.

Now, there is plenty of evidence of this event, yet some people don't believe it happened. Isn't it funny how faith works? Even if the grainy footage beamed around the world could have been faked well enough to fool everyone, it was something remarkable. I am not going to pretend I remember anything more than being "there", as most of the detail we know has been refreshed in my mind again and again.

And in the next couple of months we're going to get reminded some more, as the 40th Anniversary of the Moon Landing of Apollo 11 is upon us. I'm going to watch the documentaries, read some of the books about the astronauts, yes, I'll also read my hardcover collection of the Astronauts In Trouble series of graphic novels (see below) and on July 4th I am going with my Dad to see Buzz Aldrin speak at the Southbank.

It's that time again.
I've done this without watching the semi-finals. I boycott them because they are fixed. Or wrong. And the ones I like the most often get eliminated here.

1st Semi-final
I was predisposed to want Gipsy.CZ to win for the Czech republic but the Eminem joke falls a bit flat (they are a much better folk/rap fusion than this).

Finland is a genuine contender. Banging house with a eurobeat. The old people will hate it though.

Despite being named after a Levellers song, Belarus have apparently not got past Whitesnake in the history of rock.

Bulgaria seem to have got Bronski Beat. It would have been acceptable in the eighties.

Oh, Belgium have Shaking Stevens (or is that Shakin' ?) and this is quite poor.

For one horrible moment I though Armenia had booked The Cheeky Girls, but this duo are alright. I would say this could be a hit if everyone who used to go to Spain goes to Armenia on holiday this year. It's a very good pop song with a bit of ethnic thrown in.

Bosnia and Herzegovina have borrowed Coldplay's costumes. Their song is not annoying. Nor is it memorable. Has a nice middle eight though that's not really a song is it? Ladies, this one's for you.

Macedonia begins with a promising power pop riff but the verse mianders off into Chesney Hawkes territory.

Malta. Why do you vote for us? Why do you have a song like ours? But less pompous?

That European outpost Israel bring us some fairly standard pop balladry. Nothing to write home about, but not intolerable.

Montenegro have covered "Summer Night City" the camera man on their video needs to shoot one version for the boystown and one for the boys.

Sweden. Begins with a horrible suggestion that they are trying to compete with our entry - faux operatics with a disco beat.
Ah well. Rather dull. Make the coffee when this is on.

Iceland's country classic pomp suggests that their radio listeners are unaware of their musical contribution to the world.
Quite possibly the dullest song in the world. But not the crappest.


Andorra seem to have remembered it is a song contest not a Eurodisco dance contest (as my Grandma used to say).
Musically somewhat like Avril Lavigne covering Strawberry Switchblade.

The Portugal song has its moments but is a bit too much like that "Umbrella" song with bits of Eurovision surgically added.

And Turkey's Shakira impersonator is better than all the others.

I save Romania's until last on the basis of the title and the picture of the lady that sings it.
This was a mistake. It is about as Balkan as Atomic Kitten.
Ah well.

2nd Semi-final

A highlight but not for winning is Serbia's traditional song, but sung by one of the Hair Bear Bunch who seems to have stolen the voice of Laibach. Actually it could be him in a wig. Oh wait, it's the musical bits from that Fast Show foreign TV skit. This makes me smile. And that's what Wogan missed.

Latvia have cloned Bruce Dickinson and distilled the entire "hair metal" genre into one song.

Azebaijan's duo have a much more endearing Shakira thing going on, and still manage a bit of an ethnic intro.

Albania ... remember when ABBA went completely Giorgio Moroder on us ? I am contemplating a formulaic response from some of the Eastern Europeans: E = mc(2) where e = ethnic intro, m = madonnaesque power disco, c = chorus hook, and the end result is a square.

Greece go for the Western Eurovision's gay/female axis quite well although looks are no replacement for a decent voice, they seem to have reworked Andrew Lloyd Weber's pompous shite (please, oh European allies, do not let us down, give Royaume Uni another nul point so we can get the Morrissey song we were promised next year!).

Cyprus on the other hand have a noce young lady singing a sort of "What if Bat for Lashes were aimed at Radio 2 listeners thing" that reminds me of someone. video link for purposes of visual evidence.

O Hungary, what have you done? Starts like Juno Reactor but quickly descends into Shalamar covering Rick Astley.

Spain is D.U.L.L. pop. They are one of the countries that get a bye into the final. Which is a shame.

Convinced that Spain's song is dull, Croatia have done a better spanish song, which is still dull, but not as bad.

Ditto Denmark, although I only got as far as Ronan Keatingalike Brinck singing "You made it so easy ..."

Dear Slovakia, it's not ballads this year. Sorry for any misunderstanding. Also, is that Juliette Lewis playing your singer?
I fell asleep listening to the first verse.

Unlike Poland whose balladeer is a vocoder with a fit bird operating it. That's all. At the bits that Celine Dion would ruin with high shrieks she is restrained.

Dear Lithuania, it's not Freddie Mercury year either. twee and not in a good way. Still, Louis Walsh would have this song pointlessly divided between five boys called something like "Boyancy". Not my thing, but I am sure people who like this sort of thing will wonder what the fuck the Van Halen guitar is doing in the background.

Norway seem to believe it is 1976, but their folkier leanings make for decent listening between the adequate singing. Disgruntled by refereeing conspiracy theories, the Chelsea fans have apparently started a campaign for this to get nil points. On that basis alone we should vote for it.

Switzerland's U2 tribute is surprisingly listenable apart from the lyrics. I love that descending bass riff. And the Cure one later in the song. Maybe it's Simple Minds at their best rather than U2. If he was singing "I am sad because that girl in the school canteen ignored me and I want to take her to see Placebo" the kids'd lap this up.

Estonia is fairly good AND they score with the FBQ (fit bird quotient)

Ireland's lovely tribute to The GoGos is great. BUT WHO IS PLAYING KEYBOARDS ?!

Netherlands actually seem to have Father Ted, Father Dougal and Father Jack singing a dreadful "things in the world are bad" song.

Moldova do a very nice cultural exchange, even though it's nothing special this pisses over the bland europop and Americanisation Bollocks. But if Terry Wogan were still here he'd just take the piss. I expect Graham Norton will do the same but I have a vain hope he will not be as bad. Students of Eurovision will note the "La lal la" chorus at the end.

Svetlana Loboda is DIRTY! This will probably be my favourite by the time I have watched them all. Manages to combine all the best bits about Eurovision with a top bit of
Balkan Beatbox style mixed with Madonna-esque visuals, and the required dodgy lyric. Yes sir, Ukraine boogie !


You have to hand it to the country that gave David Hasselhoff a musical career, they do the American stuff better than anyone else in this year's contest. Another one that would deserve a chart position in the right circumstances, not least for referencing Ricky Martin and Cab Calloway.

France have some sort of French Portishead thing going on. I would not climb over it to get to 3/4 of this year's entries, but suspect it will fair badly among those who think Eurovision is all about Eurotrash. This reminds me that French sounds quite sexy when they are not doing pop. I quite like this chanteuse.

Andrew Lloyd Weber can fuck off. Did I say that ?
I cannot do better than Karen's comment about this song: "It sounds like one of those songs he puts in his shows when he's got nothing between the good songs". If this gets more than Ireland and Malta's points I will be unpleasantly surprised.

What of Russia? Why, they have translated "My Lovely Horse" of course.

Have I missed someone? Serves them right for making it all too complicated.
I see the voting has finished so half of my faves will be out already.

Change of plans, so this is by way of apology to Jen & Carl (see them next week anyway)

A spiffy cover of a superb band by the splendid Miserable Rich.

Listen to my station on Blip.fm!

Sorry Kar'
I can't be doing any more 25 tagging things on Facebook.

Here are the rules - post this list on your profile (in Notes) replacing my answers with yours.
Tag some people to do the same thing.
If I tagged YOU, it's because I want to know more about YOU!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I have never quite received an acceptable answer to this question.
There are several Adrian Johns around the place though, so someone did it.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
The other day.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Some letters annoy me. n, o/a and i for a start.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Does that very nice goose ham that Karen brings from the posh shops count?

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
I don't believe in them.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
It depends who that other person is. Are they cool ?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
No, I don't use sarcasm. :rollingeyes:

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Golden Nuggets.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Mostly.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Rum & Raisin

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
How far away they are.

14. RED OR PINK?
Red.

15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My lack of vavavoom.

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Spartak.

17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
No. I want no-one to complete it.

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
No shoes, blue sock, black trahsis.

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The end of a programme I watched last night. But musically I was listening to The Future Sound of London earlier today.

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Dark Blue.

21. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Cinnamon.

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Dawn.

23. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Yes I do.

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football.

25. HAIR COLOR?
I just had it shaved for the winter.

26. EYE COLOR?
Grey.

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No.

28. FAVORITE FOODS?
Curry.

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I don't care much for scary movies with happy endings.

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Tropic Thunder. Fun but hardly Ben Stiller's best. Hollywood over-valuing itself, I guess.

31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Grey.

32. SUMMER OR WINTER?
It's a tee-shirt that I bought in Canada, so both,

33. HUGS OR KISSES?
It depends.

34. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Paul Weller.

35. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
No-one.

36. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW
Charlie Brooker "Screen Burn"

37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
No mouse pad.

38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Tropic Thunder.

39. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
Music.

40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
The Beatles

41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
San Francisco

42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
No.

43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Solihull, Warwickshire

44. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
No-one's

• 17:10 @DeeClayton Well spotted! I was using Twitterberry for a spell there. It's not great l, but I haven't had your problems x #
• 17:11 @Matchstick67 Nothing wrong with Twitterfon, I just prefer Tweetie ... #
• 17:16 @dogsbodyorg Wayhey! #
• 17:16 @Glinner Mm loving Tweetdeck too. But for iPhone Tweetie's for me x #
• 17:46 @StrictlyDancer I fear it's inevitable, Deborah ... #
• 17:54 @Pumpkin68 Rowan in Oliver! till July, pumpkin x #
• 17:55 @DanHedley Havent yet! Might give it a bash x #
• 17:56 @matildazq Whispering during T&I!? Sacrilege ... #
• 17:58 @catester Haha! Yes, some took 'Consider Yourself At Home' a touch literally ... #
• 18:00 @Gingasue "Less"? "Fewer", surely? LOL. Followed. #
• 18:05 @Gingasue Aaw! We'z orl humang, innit LOL x #
• 18:06 @tradingnothing Dimly ... #
• 18:08 RT "my iPhone displaying PDF of boarding card has successfully beeped & allowed me through security at Manchester airport." (via @slmorgan) #
• 18:10 @Peardrops Muahaha *evil cackle* #
• 18:15 @JeSuisAndy Hm. Tell her I'm on a diet at the moment - but as soon as I fall off the wagon those choc digestives are MINE. Tx #
• 18:15 @AsIntended Guilty #
• 18:17 @looby_loo Possibly your being "mother to 4 dogs" held you back for a while. Forgiven you your tweeness now ;-) #
• 18:19 @Chasaveen Blimey! Naked flames? Can't think. #
• 18:21 @sirraHkereD !sdrawkcab er'uoy #
• 18:22 @Eurobin Leide, die Nummer weiß ich nicht - Viele Leute hoffentlich! #
• 18:24 @mnemosynedream You're never too old to dance naked. Mnemosyne my favourite goddess. Mother of the Muses according to Hesiod, I believe x #
• 18:24 @gracefulstalker Whoa there! Steady, Tiger ... #
• 18:25 @BallinAlex English, French, History of Art, Ancient History .... #
• 18:27 @helsbells9 Can never answer that.. The obvious: Jesus, Hitler, Oscar, Christopher Biggins and Jeremy Bentham. But everyone picks them... #
• 20:01 @MontyRules Baaaaaaah #
• 20:02 @hsthst Slight nod to Mike, as requested x #
• 20:03 @gavinmunn hahaha! #
• 20:12 @93josh this could get out of control, but *nod* ... #
• 20:13 Phil Taylor looking human! Could be a great match #
• 20:26 @Dazza09 Hm. What are the odds against that? #
• 20:27 @myexitmusic Ah, but Colin has the moobs #
• 20:28 @Nichollz iPod, I must confess... #
• 20:29 @miriamfry You shouldn't worry, no. He should though x #
• 20:34 @Sampsonian "Vice President of Twitter", eh? Well that's one way of looking at it. It would be rude to overtake Obama's mighty 220k though x #
• 20:35 @calomi nod n foll x #
• 20:35 @sallyann14 Sally??? #
• 20:36 @rcpl20 nod z #
• 20:36 @theleftstuff Mine too! #
• 20:37 @hjwebb wink (this has to stop) #
• 20:37 @stonelaughter appreciated ... #
• 20:40 @regalclothing They're fine thanks. Still spelling me name with a "ph" LOL #
• 20:41 @RoseWilkes Overweening arrogance about sums it up x #
• 20:42 @SonniesEdge Coo! *bows down* #
• 20:43 No, he's powering ahead now. What a tosser of the tungsten he is #
• 20:44 @bnlv Well I guess Steelers, but can't pretend it's my sport ... #
• 20:44 @sadieislove Had commitment to Kingdom x #
• 20:45 @aaroncorby Fraid so lol #
• 20:46 @hjwebb "Moobs"="Man boobs" I'm sorry to have to relate - #
• 20:49 @marrdave you've expressed it exactly #
• 20:50 @NovaWildstar Huglet #
• 20:52 @pwns *shakes hand* #
• 20:53 @rmh90 What ho, Rhiannon #
• 20:54 @SnoopySnoop Grrrrr. *nod*. I feel like the Churchill "oh yes" bulldog #
• 20:55 @SmegSlayer itv 4 #
• 20:57 @ElementsofStyle have to confess a digiprojector is one piece of kit I don't have #
• 20:57 @olivercross A marmoset #
• 20:58 @camtia Happy Birthday, Karen #
• 20:59 @Aleece_Naomi Lpst count, but hi #
• 21:00 @StephenFryLover Aaw ... #
• 21:00 @BallinAlex Yoohoo #
• 21:55 @online_mum Certainly twitter is a verb: see Keats Ode To Autumn last line thereof ... #
• 21:55 @Youngy1uk No, got it ok #
• 21:58 It's a white world out there. Off to bed now. At least snow fallig doesn't keep one awake. N-night all x #
• 07:56 Coo! Brings out the child in one this much snow, doesn't it. Should be able to get to the Apple Store though. Can walk if nothing else. #
• 07:59 @DiabloPaulo Not purchasing anything this time! Doing a talk there this evening. #
• 09:23 @aggronaut I know! I posted it a couple of weeks ago. Staggering, isn't it? #
• 09:24 Well: time to walk to a sound studio (laying down a new kind of podcast thingy). Will wrap up warm and hope the sound engineer made it x #
• 09:33 Just called the studio. No one in yet. Think I'll hold back. #
• 09:34 Finally, finally, finally I can announce the results of the #L Competition to celebrate 50K followers. Can't believe it's doubled in a week! #
• 09:34 Competition results here: tinyurl.com/compfry #
• 09:37 @scottjones1978 :( Sorryn old thing. Don't take it badly. #
• 09:38 @arnoldvsputnik Yes I could record it at home, but I'm then doing a BBC radio thing in the same studio, so a one stop shop seemed indicated #
• 09:41 tinyurl.com/compfry But prizes will be announced later after consultations with the winners..... #
• 09:47 Just heard. Studio in full go mode. What pros they are #
• 10:20 @mamamariaT None of the above. Time is elastic x #
• 12:37 Apple Event in Regent Street is off. Tentative attempt to rearrange for tomorrow but aware that forecast not good. Will keep you posted x #
• 13:18 Will podcast a version of what I would have said at Apple, just in case tomorrow is cancelled too. Just done 6 more audios so voice going! x #
• 13:19 @93josh Actually won't be in London at all for those dates. #
• 13:21 @angelawhalley here's your reply. Read tinyurl.com/frytwitter and try and understand why I simply can't always reply tho I do try ... #
• 13:23 @hedgemint Never got into WOW - fear that I'd be instantly addicted x #
• 13:27 @philhughes85 Bah! Read tinyurl.com/frytwitter ;-) #
• 13:27 @MikeSouthon Lawks, Mike, your guess a good as mine! #
• 13:29 Blast my old pants, what's the matter with me? Meant tinyurl.com/frytweet Apologies all round x #
• 13:45 Holy ARSE. Thank you all xxxxx #
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Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

budgie_uk continues his Fast Fiction challenges, which he now has collected in an olde fashioned "book".

His latest output is my own suggested "The Racket They Made" in which he was to use the word "forlorn" (spot the clue !)

http://budgie-uk.livejournal.com/1000875.html is where you can find that story.
http://budgie-uk.livejournal.com/864686.html for the instructions and intro to the Fast Fiction challenge
http://www.lulu.com/content/5591057 is where you can buy the book.


( And another thing (spoiler for story behind this cut!) )

Our first trip to the International Mime Festival 2009 was not a success.
I will gloss over it all with the following equation:However, Circus Klezmer last night at the Purcell Rooms was great entertainment.
Set in a gypsy circus with acrobats, jugglers and clowns may sound twee, but the setting was more Carnivale than Billy Smart.



While waiting in the foyer, the cast wandered around performing small tricks for the pre-audience audience.
As we took our seats the violinist played on stage and the lead performer (clown and show director Adrian Schvarzstein) chivvied people along to their seats - including taking people's coats off their backs and manhandling them up the aisle. The klezmer band played from behind crates of vegetables and the two principles did some balancing with boxes and the like.

Then the trapeze artist arrived to join the troop and once she climbed above the stage and showed that swinging backwards and forwards is not all the trapeze is about - including the "almost fell to the floor" stunt in her act. She was of course a very fit athlete as were the physical stunts of the circus manager and his wife (I think that's their scripted relationship) whose arguments involved She running screaming and jumping at Him as he turned and caught her in a variety of uncomfortable looking positions - physical comedy not out of place in a Marx Brothers film ensued.

The three part juggling of the usual balls and skittles leads into an excellent session of shotglasses and bottles around the table - two getting "drunker" and one missing out every time. Audience participation ranged from the little pranks on the latecomers to one guy enlisted as the "romantic" lead in a triangle between the circus leads, and much more fun from the burlesque troop.

Actually talking of burlesque, the hapless Vecina's sexy chair-dancing a la Dietrich was tearjerkingly funny.
The band were excellent, trad. klezmer a perfect soundtrack of violin, drum, accordion and clarinet.
(Check that link for more photos.)

It was mostly spoken in spanish/gypsy and too fast to catch but meanings were always clear, and much of it required no words.
At the end, they thanked the audience in english, a classy act from classy performers. I hope they come back to London again soon, because I have a few people who I'd like to see the show with !

See for yourself

When I was taken to the barbers by my Grandad he used to ask John the Barber to cut it like Simon Templar.
When I was old enough to ask for my own haircut, I used to ask for it like Danger Man.
Perhaps I was very young for that programme, but then Batman was not due for some time .

So then my Grandparents had to watch the new programme and explain to me what John Drake had done wrong to be in the village chased by that big white balloon. They probably didn't get much of it (except, "Oh there's that nice man off Sykes!" and "Oh Francis Matthews is in this week" etc etc) but they let me watch.

Then I was a teenager, and Rafferty followed on from the glut of US TV detective programmes, a bit more challenging for the enquiring Teen Ade, but it was the same man who'd been on my TV ten years earlier, and I got hooked (unlike anyone else it seems) and I'd still like to see it again - who do you think Hugh Laurie is playing on House, by the way?

In recent years it's been repeats of the first two programmes mentioned above - and  now old enough to notice these things, there is Danger Man IN THE VILLAGE !! BUT IT IS ITALY !!! And there's drugs and that in The Prisoner !!!
Most recently, it's been the four great episodes of Columbo that have provided the best slices of that irritable man that I sometimes think of as an uvuncularly more pleasant version of Van Morrison.

So, a toast !
To Patrick McGoohan, thanks for the TV highlights.

I expect the interview from David Cameron's swanky west London pad will be on line here  soon, but it was a non-event and I wonder why he thinks it is a worthwhile use of public money to send Marr and crew all the way to West London when their studio is less than half an hour on public transport from his house ?

Anyway, among the unremarkable things we discovered:
He doesn't agree with the Government's approach to this financial crisis (no comment solicited on whether he agreed with the freedoms that contributed to this).
He is more left wing than some of the Conservative party (and less right wing than some of the Labour party).
He refers to people like Kenneth Clarke and David Davies as "Beasts" in an affirnative way.

Also Andrew Marr is neither a good summariser nor a decent interviewer.
When he asked Mr Cameron about why it would be a good time for a Conservative government, he answered along the lines of "Because we would have a clean slate, and could go forward rather than having a history of mistakes." (Which seems like a good plug for the Liberal Democrats.) Then he went on "This Government won't admit their mistakes,"  to which the rapier-like Marr asked "So what are your mistakes?"

With the consummate glibness of a post-Blairite politician, and completely without irony Dave replied "Not recognising the Government's mistakes earlier." In other words, supporting Gordon Brown's fiscal freedoms, perhaps because they are closer to conservatism than to Labour (even Labour trad.arr Brown).

Taken from sarcastic_one and dedicated to Kar, Mike & Jake with a wish for that #11

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Not as far as I know although upgrading the current one is a possibility.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
No thanks.

3. Will you be looking for sex?
I think I know where I left it, so no.
"will you be looking for time to spend with your friends/partner?"
Always.

4. What will you do different in '09?
I will set limits on this thing,
and I will be writing the date differently.

5. New Years Resolution?
See first part of #4

6. What will you not be doing in '09?


7. Any trips planned?
Not going to NYC next week or in February, but longer trip in October, taking in Toronto and New England vicinity.
Edinburgh in Feb, Anstruther in April hopefully not clashing with Belfast in April.

8. Wedding plans?
Celebrating 18th anniversary.
Attending a wedding in Toronto.

9. Major thing on your calendar?
Sundays.

10. What can’t you wait for?
Home Game.

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
Sleep.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
Fitness levels

13. What happened in ‘08 that you didn’t think would ever happen?
Boris Johnson.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
Whenever I can.

15. Will you dress differently in '09 than you did in '08?
In general no, but occasionally at work.

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
Both. Most weeks.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
If anyone tells me it's necessary.

18. Will you do Volunteer work?
I work for the NHS, what do you think?

19. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
I usually am.

20. Do you expect '09 to be a good year for you?
Swings and roundabouts

21. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
Lost weight a bit. Started having breakfast. Otherwise not.

22. Do you plan on having a child?
Quite the contrary.

23. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
If they'll have me.

24. Major lifestyle changes?
I'd rather not speculate on this one.

25. Will you be moving?
Like a sad film about puppies or like a discotheque?

26. What will you make sure doesn’t happen in 09 that happened in 08?
See #24

27. What are your New Years Eve plans?
It's a long way off, can I get back to you ?

Happy New Year.

Inspired by someone posting a link to this beautiful seasonal song from the film Mean Girls, itself based on this all time classic of Xmas TV I have decided to brighten up your week with ten appropriate songs. (Note before I move on that the Billy Idol version of that same song is worth a look for purpose of irony.

No list of Christmas songs would be complete without mention of Slade's "So here it is Merry Christmas".
That out of the way, here is the much better "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day" as shown on the top of the pops with Roy Wood pretending to be Jimmy Saville.

One of the highlights of my musical collection is every record that Jona Lewie ever released. And that collection started before his Best Ever Xmas Song "Stop The Cavalry". And of course, the sequel to its vidayo "Pipes of Peace" by Sir Paul Macca.

Everyone knows the song "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" and everyone knows it was by Bing Crosby, but the Drifters' version is just splendid. And the cartoon that accompanies it here is a classic.

There will be Phil Spector on this list and the list of any sensible person compiling an Xmas list.
But first, here is a tribute from The Ramones. Now, back to the subject of Phil Spector. I think the opening shot of Gremlins sums it up best... courtesy of Darlene Love.

Oh Shane MacGowan, how long will you go on ?
This is not The Pogues which has a little too much airplay these days.
Instead, here is a different take on the miserable side of what americans call "The Holidays" ... "A Christmas Duel"

Enough of that, here's some Christmas Rapping.

And finally, spare a thought for all those in less joyous circumstances at Christmas.
Did you think I would leave you crying ?
(*actually you kids should watch all related links to that one and get a feel for what my eleventh Christmas was like.)

I have just been forced, yes FORCED to name my top five albums of the year.
Actually I named ten, and will be adding one CD and an EP to this list.

So SUE ME.

When the Haar Rolls in. James Yorkston.
By virtue of proximity to the end of the year and impending Xmas show on 17th December this one will see the year out in the lead. I remember when Mr Hardsparrow, or Paul as I then knew him, told me about JY & The Athletes. And he was right, but this collection of songs is quite lovely. From the rockstar's lament of "B's Jig" to "Summer's Not The Same Without You" there is something of love's lost laboratories here. Travelling via the fable of hesitant love in "Tortoise Regrets Hare" and its sequel in "Temptation" (with one of my favourite lyrics of a very long time
"I can't stand to see you as drunk as you are,
Slurring your words and staggering,
It's all too much for me to take.
So I will just find refuge in a well-harvested harbour bar,
I'll be slurring my words and staggering,
Where's the harm in that?"

Sekrit Soundz Vol.1. The Pictish Trail.
Yay! Johnny Lynch! SS#1 "is a diverse collection of ten lo-fi pieces that are" (in fact):
Several species of lo-fi (Dinosaur Jr meets Beck meets McCartney's Ram) gathered together in a cave near Cellardyke and grooving with The Pictish Trail. http://www.fencerecords.com/itemdetails.php?item_id=226

Inside Over Here. Rozi Plain.
My first experience of Rozi Plain (other than some v.nice contributions to Fence compilations) was on a day trip to Brighton for a gig with The Pictish Trail and Tandy Hard. This CD took three spins around the block of my head on the train back to London. Her gig in Bristol was one of my highlights of the Fence Year.

They Flock Like Vulcans To See Old Jupiter Eyes On His Home Craters. King Creosote. / Love+Hate=Hate. King Creosote & HMS Ginafore.
Continuing the fence connection. Founder and leading light brung two fine CDs our way, my fave is "Vulcans" with its return to putting out what he wants rather than what record companies want. I mean, the latter is fine but the mix of songs in progress (two versions of) It'll End In Tears / All Mine. And a song about people who go to Anstruther ...
L+H=H is a two sided album like Double Fantasy. But on Kenny and Jenny make like Ike and Tina Turner rather than John and Yoko.

Luna. The Aliens.
Talking of which, KC's brother and the gang bring the rock to this list. Sixties inspired psychedelia and splendid 10 minute epics as well as the pop-length coolness.

Third. Portishead.
I was two and half tracks into this, first time I listened to it.
Then next time I got further in and "The Rip" which really does exactly that. And then come the driving techno rhythms of "We Carry On" and "Machine Gun". As a whole, maybe not totally mindblowing but seven tracks of excellence and several satisfactory moments of Portishead around them.

The London Book of the Dead. The Real Tuesday Weld.
This comes in a nice book. The music is classic TRTW and well worth seeing live (where yer man sings in sequence with several videos of the songs. Also this year a CD of Stephen's OST of "Dreams that Money Can Buy" that made me want to see the film.
http://www.antiquebeat.co.uk/

Patriarch's Blues. Victor Krummenacher.
I reviewed this previously. I think it may be my favourite CVB solo album.
http://www.victorkrummenacher.com/

Glasvegas. Glasvegas.
Pete Wylie joins the J&MC and it may be grim up in Scotland if this slice of working class soap is to be believed. Remeniscent but not so derivative of the Jesus and Mary Chain (both scots but they went East Coast rather than Easterhouse). >choke<

Leap Second. Okie Rosette.
Felix Costanza from Granfaloon Bus moves into an altcountry pop fest. Great to listen to if you need cheering up after listening to most of the above ;) If you like Sufjan Stevens or The New Pornographers, check it out. http://www.monotremerecords.com/okie/okie.php

In closing, here is The Pictish Trail on a day off:

I'm not going to seek to replace Andrew's cutting synopses, but as he's off to the land of the Mounties, just this once.

Take That! eh?
I realise that I can tolerate their fine pop music (but they are no Boyzone, let's face it) so the choices of the wannabes tonight are of interest.
I know them all bar one.

Oddly, Louis claims Alexandra did not just copy the original "Relight my fire". Looking away from the screen I actually thought they were doing a "before and after" because it sounds v.v. similar to me. Sadly the indications are that all singers will be drowned out by the backing choirs this week. She is what the X Factor is all about though.

I still do not believe that Spanish people should be allowed in our X Factor unless they qualify through a preliminary round with Eastern Europeans. Ruth does exactly what Louis thinks Alexandra did. She belts out a song I never heard before.
Simon leches over her.

The Boy Band Done Good. This year's probable winners effortlessly work through a song that showcases one of their number rather than the excellent harmonies. This is what modern pop singing combos do. They take a song for one person and divide it unequally (qv Posh Spice in The Spice Girls). But they are proficient at this.

Rachel does her thing. She'd be a good singer in a band. Accusations that she is "like" Amy Winehouse make me LARF.
She has consistently been in the bottom two each week, and she is probably less likely to have herself re-shaped by the pop gurus.

Talking of which ... Diana.
Whoever suggested that she channel Bonnie Tyler's version of Take That ? Why oh why is she being asked to belt out a song like this? She's not very good at all this week. Possibly worse than when she was a bit poorly. She will have a decent career if she can get back to home territory instead of pandering to mainstream pop.

Eoghan proves that he'd make a great third member of any boyband. This is definitely his comfort zone.

( If you want to know the result ... )